Poison

 I chose my own poison,

I knew it all along,

That's why I was guarded,

That's why I wouldn't give it all,

Oh! But I have cried a river,

And burnt all the bridges down,

But darling, Now I am unreachable.

I chose my own poison,

And I knew it all along, 

That Chaos doesn't harm,

Its my calmness that's worst than my storm.

Void

In the middle of a perfectly happy day,

I feel it, 

I feel it creeping up to me,

I feel its claws marking my soul,

I feel the uneasiness, 

I feel the gaping hole in my chest again,

And I have this desperate urge to fill it,

To fill this void,

Sometimes with meaningless conversations with strangers, 

Sometimes with the world between my favorite pages, 

Sometimes with the music on soo damn loud that it can dull the pain. 

In the middle of a perfectly happy day,

Sometimes I feel like my world is falling apart.

Memories

 I do not know what to ponder upon.

I have vague memories of you.

Memories of running around in circles around you,

Memories of walking in your steps,

Memories of holding your hand,

Memories of being your ardent fan,

Memories of writing you a million letters, not knowing if you would ever read them.

Memories of waiting to meet you someday,

Memories of a little girl, 

Memories soo vague that I am not entirely sure they were real. 

My only regret is, I do not know what to ponder upon, because I have no memories of you that are completely true.

I hoped

 

I hoped to run into you,

Run into you in a crowded street, 

Run into you in a different city,

Run into you in a different country, 

I hoped to see the flicker of recognition in your eyes,

I hoped you would see the adoration in mine,

I hoped for years of agony to fade,

I hoped for a day when we would be us again,

And I hoped, 

I hoped for an alternate universe. 

To the love of my life

 I did not fall in love with you,

Definitely not at first sight,

It was the way you looked at me, 

It was your eyes,

Those melted pools of chocolate held a promise of a love soo deep that i was sure it would consume us both. 

It was the calmness of my heart around you, the warmth seeping from yours into mine. 

It was when you loved me for all the parts of me that made sense to you and even more for the parts that didn't. 

I did not fall in love with you,

Not at first, not somewhere in between, not yet.

I gloriously walked into Love with You.

Someone

 Someone once told me that I wasn't capable of having my heart broken.

That my walls were build soo high, 

That I guarded my heart with fierceness,

That I would never experience the sheer intensity of being soul deep in love,

That I was afraid to take the leap,

Someone once told me that I wasn't capable of loving and in return being loved.

Love Me

 

They say you expect the love 

you think you deserve.

Well, if you ask me , I think I deserve the moon and the stars and everything in between.

But do you think I deserve that? 

Magical nights dancing under the moonlit sky? Confessions of love under the arbor filled with my favorite flowers? Emeralds that 

match the color of my eyes? 

I say love me,

Love me only if you think I deserve 

To be loved on days 

when you think its the hardest to 

love me .

The Sign

 She was always looking for signs,

It was the way he looked at her, and then he didn't, 

It was the way her laughter made him laugh, and then it didn't,

It was the way he held her close enough to never let go, and then he didn't, 

It was the way he wanted to make her feel special, and then he didn't, 

It was the way he loved, he cared, he longed, he desired, and then he didn't, 

It was then she realized, 

That maybe looking for the signs was

the sign.

STOP

 Its funny, how we hold on to relationships, how we place their happiness above ours, why do we drag relationships, why can't we end them while we still can? Why can't we stop? Why can't we stop overthinking, trying, expecting, struggling, obsessing, over loving? 

Why can't we stop breaking our own hearts?